Middle Mom Era

I have seen a few posts on social media about being a “middle mom” and it inspired this blog post of what that means for me. I think one of the most surprising things about parenting is the whirl of emotions around the closing and opening of different chapters. You enter parenthood focused mainly on caring for a baby; yes, you think about the future, but are mostly consumed with feedings, diapers, schedules, basically living (sometimes surviving) day to day. There is no warning for the day when that all comes to an end. When you are done raising “littles” and entering the era of raising “middles”.

Less than two years ago, I thought we would get to stay in the chapter of “littles” a while longer. I found out I was expecting number four, and while surprised, was over the moon to complete our family, maybe even with a little girl. As you know, God took that baby home, and you can read about my miscarriage experience here.

While I still get very sad thinking about what could have been, I believe in my heart our family is right where we are meant to be. However, I still don’t have that feeling of finality that we are absolutely done like other parents seem to have. Maybe I never will? Ryan and I have discussed adoption, and I am not sure if God will lead us on that path, but my heart is open. While the newborn/toddler chapter is closed for now, I have peace knowing maybe it will open it again or maybe not. And I don’t need to know that right now.

Because right now, I am fully immersed in and enjoying my middle mom era. We aren’t tied to nap schedules, Ryan and I go to bed and wake up when we want on the weekends (for the most part haha), it doesn’t take as long to leave the house, we can be somewhat spontaneous with our days. There are definitely some perks to this chapter!

Almost every day, Ryan and I often reflect on how blessed we are to have three amazing boys. They are each growing into their own in different ways and we thank God daily for them.

Being a middle mom means we are in the thick of the elementary school years. Owen will enter kindergarten this fall. Not only do I not have a baby or toddler anymore, but I also won’t even have a preschooler. They say sending your last one off to kindergarten is the hardest and I have no doubt about it. It’s the official closing of the “littles” chapter. Saying goodbye to the precious things so close to my heart from those early years: chest snuggles, the excitement of reaching growth milestones, tiny clothes, cute little voices that mispronounce words, toys everywhere all the time, always wanting and needing you…the cliche is “you’re gonna miss this” and boy does that speak true to my heart.

You’re gonna miss this, you’re gonna want this back
You’re gonna wish these days, hadn’t gone by so fast
These are some good times, so take a good look around
You may not know it now, but you’re gonna miss this”

Trace Adkins

But one day I will miss these “middle years” too! I will miss the first and last day of school photos, summers where my boys still want to hang out with me, watching them discover new sports, hobbies and interests that they love and get good at…the list goes on for what this chapter entails. I mentioned in my miscarriage post that it is possible to experience grief and joy at the same time. I miss those early years hard and will cherish them forever. But the joy of parenting hasn’t stopped! It’s just different and I remind myself each day to slow down and enjoy this chapter. Because I have a feeling it goes just as quick as the last and we’ll be in graduation gowns before I know it.

I feel I am starting to repeat myself going back to my post, Time, but it’s hard not to become emotional about the fleeting of time as a parent. It’s something you think about every day when you give those goodnight kisses. We say things all time like “I wish time would slow down” or “it goes too fast”. These are repeated phrases because they are felt often and hard by those raising children.

While our children grow and change so much each chapter, I’ve come to realize so do we. I am not the same parent I was 10 years ago. Heck, I am not the same parent I was 10 months ago. Maybe even 10 days ago! We adapt, learn from our experiences, handle situations with more confidence and ease. I wouldn’t say it gets easier because bigger kids = bigger problems, but we’re getting older and wiser too right along with our kids. It’s one of the most difficult journeys in life, but also the most rewarding.

I will forever miss having “littles” and honestly will probably consider Owen a “little” for quite a while (I guess that’s why they’re always called the baby, right?). But you know what? Middle kids are so much fun! The magic of parenting isn’t only reserved for those raising little ones. There is magic in every chapter. What years from childhood do you remember the most? Where is that magic engrained in your heart? I don’t think it’s from when you were a baby, toddler or even preschooler. It’s those middle years! These are the years my boys will look back on with (hopefully) fondness in their hearts: beach days, fishing, family bike rides, board games, camping all summer, making each other laugh, tubing down a snow hill, vacations, celebrating moments of accomplishment…this is a really good chapter! I have the honor of seeing those personalities really emerge with their individual interests, talents, ways of creative expression. It’s an absolute joy to watch. So, while I may roll my eyes at the occasional “bruh” or have those heart wrenching flashbacks of their toddler selves, I am here for this middle mom era. It may even be the best yet.