Time

Owen tends to get fixated on a certain book and likes me to read it several nights in a row. Recently, it’s been Love You Forever by Robert Munsch. I read it to him every night last week and mentioned it as a Friday Favorite. It ended up inspiring this whole blog post!

Boy, did I forget how hard this book hits! I can’t help but get teary eyed reading it especially now that my kids are not babies or even two-year-olds anymore. When we get to the part where he leaves home, Owen says to me, “I don’t ever want to leave you mommy.” My heart just explodes wishing that could be the case. But I know one day he will have wings to spread and God’s path for him to follow.

I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.”

This is a topic that has been on my mind a lot lately: the fleeting of time. I am sure this is something many almost 40-year-olds think about. The anxious thoughts typically creep into my mind as I am lying in bed at night, of course. My kids are growing up. We only have so many years left in elementary school. I no longer have a baby to nurse or a toddler running around flushing watches down the toilet. More wrinkles and gray hairs are beginning to pop up. I am almost middle aged when it seemed so far away. My 20th high school reunion is this year. There will be a day Lucas doesn’t ask me to play hide and seek when he’s off school. His friends will take precedent. Then a girlfriend. Then a wife. Clearly, I go deep down that rabbit hole!

I think this tough reality and shift in perspective simply comes with aging. You obviously don’t think about these things as much when you’re twenty because you have your whole life ahead of you. With age comes wisdom, right? You reflect more. Think more. Pray more.

And I know the best I can do is live this beautiful life fully during each stage and season. Relish and appreciate the really good moments. I only have months until Owen is in kindergarten full time. I am trying my best to soak up our days together before that next chapter begins.

Lucas is growing up fast, but he still needs his mommy and seeks my attention. Again, soaking that up to the fullest. Drew turns 10 in just a few weeks! That is wild to wrap my mind around–that I have been doing this parenting thing for a decade already. What’s funny is the one fear I had about Drew is now my comfort: I have a child whom may never leave the nest. And honestly, that is just fine with me! Of course, I hope Drew can find some independence one day but if he needs his mom, I am here. Heck, I am 37 and will forever need my mom so I do think that never ends. Just looks different.

Even though the closing of chapters is hitting harder as a I get older, I know that the past isn’t the happiest I’ll ever be. Yes, falling in love, getting married and bringing home babies were some of the most joyous times of my life. I have a deep gratitude for God’s blessings those years. But there is always more.

So, as I come close to packing away the 4T clothes, begin registration for kindergarten, remove car seats and install boosters, and yes, even begin touring middle schools, I seek peace with the sadness. God is so good every day and I know that isn’t going to stop just because I am getting older. I move forward with anticipation for life’s adventures to come. I am learning to accept the passage of time by keeping a deep faith in God’s plan for my family and me.